We lose a pound we gain four more. We get split ends, is simple, we cut them off. We hate our clothes, another simple solution, it’s shopping spree time.
What are we? Women.
Months of practice and for some it takes years. Days of calculations and years of hoping.
Who are we? Women.
Nine months of growing, expanding, changing, bloating, feeling constipated, enjoy the lovely presence of hemroihds, watching out skin change from sleek to dry and itchy with a new map grows all over our thighs, hips, ass and breasts.
Who are we? Women.
And then on that one day, there you finally are. A tiny cry with teeny tiny fingers and teeny tiny toes, with skin so soft that all i want is to kiss you and hold you every single moment that I can breathe.
Who are we, mothers.
The amount of time it takes to formulate the idea of ‘you’ to the amount off time it takes to actually create ‘you’ makes the amount of time waiting for you, so very incredibly worth it.
We watch as our breasts engorge and our asses grow a personality of their own and then our skin dries out as it stretches and grows every single day. And yet, knowing that it’s all for you makes every stretch mark and all the other uncomfortable crap so very very worth it.
The call it a linea nigra because it’s due to increased Melanocyte-stimulating hormone, ya whatever that freaking means. All I see is an ugly brown line that keeps getting longer and darker as the months go by. Then we have our so called enemy, Mrs stretch mark. And this one isn’t too difficult to figure out, we stretch and grow and expand and stretch some more until nine months of growing a human baby has officially shown and where we can officially eat off of our bellies, pretty talented don’t you agree? And how about bloating, yeah we can thank constipation and hemroihds for this beautiful little memory. Oh and let’s not forget how we become sudden contortionists as we grow bigger, admit it ladies, we have all tried several unconventional moves to try and wipe after we’ve finished our bathroom business. And what about the total disappearance of the sex factor. No libido, no sex, a very unhappy man and an even unhappier women. Ask them that the next time they complain? And then we can’t forget about water retention. Oh how lovely it is to watch as we swell like a water balloon, like are you freaking serious? Haven’t we gone through enough? Ummm sorry to break it you but no. Let’s see, then we have the leakage issue, yeah, we say hooray to nine months of no period but we still have to wear coverage for those oops I sneezed-a-pee moment.
But wait, there are also the positives. Beautiful plump breasts which seem useless during pregnancy since you know, the ‘moment’ is kinda gone. The shiny thick and luscious hair, which serves no purpose but rather a hassle because half the time you’re hot and sweaty and end up tying it up.
But of course dear baby, no mater how much our bodies and minds experience during the time we get to carry you around, it’s all so worth it because it’s the only time when you’ll be mine and only mine.
So no matter how much weight we gain (it’s freaking shitty) and no matter how much hair we lose (ya, so incredibly frustrating) and no matter how many red lines we gain on our bodies (super ugly) it’s all so very worth it because in the end, there comes YOU.
So I’ll end this by saying
Dear baby, thank you.
It’s been ten months since the day you were born and yet, no matter how many days go by, it will always feel like yesterday that you were born and i laid eyes on you for the very first time. The feeling of pure love and completion was all i felt as i held your tiny little body next to mine and i plan on cherishing that feeling for my entire existence.
Nine months of waiting and preparing for such a beautiful gift and in one single moment you change a women’s life forever. Before i know it, you’ll be one and then i’ll blink and there will be another digit next to that one, but for now, i’ll keep looking for that pause button because god knows that every day with you is just another beautiful and exciting adventure.
As you grow older you will enter many stages in life, you’ll experience the innocent getting dirty and scraping your knees kind of fun during childhood, the “i’m not a baby anymore” during tweenagehood, the “mom, i am not a child anymore” during teenahehood and then the, “mom sometimes i wish i were a child again” during adulthood. But no matter where you are, I will always be right by your side.
As your mother, i can say i have been there and done that and felt that and well, the list goes on. But to make your life just a little better and easier, here are a few things i wish my mother told me while growing up.
-Have fun, lots of it.
-Get dirty, scrape your knees and don’t be afraid to play the boys, cooties really don’t exist.
-Dolls are super cool and climbing trees is too, whatever you find fun, do it but always ask me first.
-Be the first to to learn to ride a bike, imagine how cool you’ll feel when you go to school one day and tell all of your friends that you don’t need training wheels anymore.
-Don’t be afraid of doctors and dentists, trust me, you’ll appreciate all the time and money spent there.
-No you can not have an Ipad or an iphone.
-Yes, do wear your converse with your skirt, be a trendsetter.
-YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND, understand? Great, we’re on the same page.
-Lastly, be who you want to be, a fairy, a teacher, a dancer, an actress, just BE.
-No, you’re not a baby anymore but to me, you always will be so as tough as it will be watching you grow up i KNOW that you are, trust me, i’ve been there once.
-No, you can not wear lipstick or makeup, but i’ll settle for gloss or chapstick.
-No, you’re still not getting an ipad or iphone, i know which school you go to.
-You like a boy? WHAT, ALREADY?? Right, you’re not a child anymore.
-Yes you can wear a skirt but get down on your knees and if the hem doesn’t touch your ankles its way too short and you’re not wearing it.
-A bra is always a good start, training right? Or not….
-Maxi pads or tampons, am i even ready to have this talk with you…i have no choice.
-YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND, get it? Wonderful, we’re still on the same page.
-Please refer to your tween years, NOTHING has changed and NO, 16 doesn’t make you an adult.
-Boys will come and go but be that girl who waits and finds one who will protect your heart and care for you.
-You don’t know what real love is, you’ll think you will but you won’t, but do feel love, like, and maybe even a heartbreak, it will only make you stronger, i promise. Those tissues and ice cream pints are there for that very reason.
-Heels, not sure if i am ready for that, less then one inch? Hey, this is me compromising!
-Focus on your education and still have fun experiencing life, smart is the new sexy so use those brains!
-Well, welcome to reality dear daughter. It doesn’t get easier from here on because now each decision and choice you make will surely AFFECT many other decisions and choices in your life.
-Find love, go dancing, wear heels, don’t be afraid, don’t give up, say NO with pride, vote for your future, dance your behind off, laugh and smile, hug and tell those you love that you love them, express yourself, find yourself and most of all be true to who you are and who you want to be.
And there you have it daughter, all the things i want you to know and feel and experience. But make them yours and only yours and cherish your life because my sweet baby, you only get one.
A mother’s love is one that can’t ever be replaced. She as in I, will guide you and help you and hold your hand no matter how old you are. I will rock you to sleep even if at 16 a boy broke your heart and only mommy’s cuddles can make you feel better. I will read to you and sing to you but mostly, lets sing and dance and read together, for what we have will always be.
I will always love you daughter dearest and this is my letter to you.
So i’m almost hitting the nine month mark into mommy hood and its been such a bitter sweet experience. I would say 99% sweet and 1% bitter, but who is counting the bitter part right?
I remember sitting on my bowl and telling myself that its just been two days, whats two days (LATE) after you’ve had the flu for a few days, nah, its not going to be positive. But then i do it, i pee on a stick and blink a few times when the stick reads in clear, black and bold writing, pregnant 3-4 weeks. And then I remember looking at it for about 34 more times before it finally all sinks in, holy mother of mothers, I am going to become a mom!!!
Say what? Come again? Those were hubbies words. And me, well I just stood there with a stick i just peed on, glued inside the palm of my hand waiting to see what his reaction would be, and it was definitely a bitter sweet one.
Then I placed my hand on my belly and everything changed, because thats when I met you.
You started off as a little something which grew into every possible fruit size and then when my belly started to pop, all I ever wanted to do was caress my belly as a sign that mommy knew you were there and that you were safe and better then okay.
Nine months is what it takes to carry a baby and maybe for some, longer. But its nine months of- how should I put this, itchy skin, stretch marks, (well for some of us unlucky ladies that is) and swollen and perfectly full boobs (but that I wont complain about because I finally had a nice pair that made me look older then a teenage girl)…laugh out loud.
During the nine months, we wake up everyday and remind ourselves not to forget our vitamins and tell our crazy hormones that today will be a better day and we won’t puke our food out or suddenly pass gas without any realization. And then theres the skinny jeans issue which have suddenly become too skinny to be skinny jeans and we fight the urge to wear spandex because we refuse to go up a size, no matter how silly we look in our non maternity skinny jeans.
We stuff our face because our sudden cravings of pickles with chips or ice-cream at nine in the morning kick in and then we step on the scale and freak the heck out because we’ve just put on more weight, but it was just one burger? Well yeah, its a burger plus a baby, right? Right!
Then we say, you know what, its going to be super healthy food from now on and all is well until your next doctors visit and guess what, you’ve put on more weight. So you sit and think about what it was that you ate that could be the result of this sudden weight gain and then the doctor says, mommy dear, its not the food, its the baby.
Right, of course, hello!! Why am I beating myself up over this, I am carrying another human being inside of me. And then I touch my belly look down and I smile. And then after five long seconds, I stop smiling and think, holy shit, how am I going to push a living and breathing baby out of me? And then I almost faint and the doctor assures me what I am feeling is completely normal and I start to breathe again.
Then I remind myself, no more sex, thats its, no more freaking sex!!
So after being poked and weighed I start to feel you move, in fact I think you may have kicked rib number three a few times and darn that freaking hurt but its okay, because its a sign that you’re there, healthy and alive and kicking away.
Now we’re hitting trimester number three and I begin your countdown, and then its crunch time and now i start to panic because i am back at thinking about how i will find the strength to push you out of my vajayjay without ripping myself in half, and then the panic builds and i can’t sleep anymore because i have nightmares of all the possible things that can go wrong and i may have even dreamt that you were an alien with green and purple skin.
But its okay, because you’re inside of me and soon you’ll be outside of me and damn it, i’m still panicking about the birth process, how the heck will i do it?
So i call my mom and i am terrified. Tears start rolling down my cheeks and she calms me down by telling me the words that will forever be dear to my heart. You are not and have not and will not be the only woman to do this. We are made to have babies and you CAN do this. (Nine months later its all nice and dandy but at that moment, its kind of not).
So now, i’ve started wearing my pads again, so much for escaping them during pregnancy. And yeah, we all know why, i sneeze, i pee. I cough, i pee, i laugh and well yeah, i pee…always a little but enough to say, ugh not again. Its a sexier way of having to wear depends no? Ya, laugh out loud, NOT!
I’m weeks away and maybe even days from meeting you, but who knows right, you’re the big little boss now and you decide when you want to come out and say hey mom, hey pops, i’m here and i am ready to take over the rest of your lives. And then i think oh crap, i STILL have to push this baby out and HERE WE GO AGAIN, and more panic rolls in.
Hmm, i wake up during the night and i have to pee and then maybe even poop except i can’t but i feel like i really have to and then i remember, oh wait, if you feel like you have to poop but don’, that could be a contraction, so i wait. and nothing happens and so I wait some more and then i go back to the washroom and see this stuff, its not fun stuff but i hear its your plug, you know, to unblock you once the labour process begins. Okay don’t panic, just wake up hubby and tell him that there is a chance that i’m having the baby. And guess what, I FREAKING AM!
9 months later….we can skip the details of what having a baby is really like, the best part was seeing you once i swore every bad word in the book and pushed for hours on end and ended up having you by cesarian. But thats all good now because my scar doesn’t look like a zigzag pattern, its a straight cut, longer then I’d like but i love it and I now call it my love pocket.
So here we are, a few months away from your first birthday, one whole freaking year has almost passed and what can i say, I love you to pieces and to the moon and back. I love how being a mother has made me a better and stronger person. You have taught me about unconditional love, selfless love and the ability to love no matter what. I close my eyes and dream about you and wonder who you’ll become years from now and then when you’re awake i try to find the pause button so i can stop time and have you as my baby forever. I try and rock all twenty pounds of you no matter how heavy you are and kiss every inch of you even though now it takes a little longer, but thats okay, i really enjoy reaching down to your toes and kissing those cute little things.
I hold you close when you fall asleep in my arms and shout with joy when you learn something new, i won’t lie, watching you pick up that puff for the first time and eating it all by yourself made me so emotional i almost cried, okay i did, sue me? I am a mom also known as a big ball of emotional mess.
I now watch you move by yourself and babble in a language that only you can understand but i stand and watch, amazed at how awesome you are.
So you can all say that i may be a big ball of emotions or just an emotional mess, but i prefer to be called mommy, because to you, i will forever only want to be that.
ps. In 16 years, we’ll have to talk but for now, i’ll just listen…… Oh and about that 1% bitter sweet part, ya it’s having to watch your baby grow up but the rest, ALL SWEET!
It’s funny how just months ago, before my daughter was born or even before I knew I was pregnant, how different things were in my life. I often blogged about fashion and clothes and things that had no emotional attachment to me but rather about random things that just made me happy, just because. But today, being a mommy and a first time mom that is, my life has taken a turn into wonderland.
Many people see being a parent as another “must have” is ones life cycle, but for me, it’s more then just something on my list to check off, it’s something that I know that makes me feel complete.
Going to bed early and sleeping in seemed like a luxury for me but now I see waking up early and during the night as the luxury. Sure, we wake up to feed, change poopie diapers and soothe a crying baby and all in zombie mode but in the end, I see it as gaining extra time and hours with my baby. One day those extra hugs and cuddles will stop and you’ll wish for them especially on a shitty day, so I say, come on baby, wake up at 2am, I dare you cuz I got lots of love to give you!!
We wake up everyday to make sure that our little ones are fed, changed, bathed, taken care of and most importantly LOVED. And then once that’s done we have our man to take care of and god knows how hard it is to find time to wash our face imagine ‘being sexy’… Lol yeah it’s a laugh out loud matter but, we do it, yes even if it’s after a 2am feeding.
Then we have our ‘wifely duties’ that we can’t abandon, the house, cooking, laundry, groceries, doctors appointments and the list goes on.
And yet… We still do it, and why? BECAUSE DAMN IT, WE JUST CAN!
So now it’s 4 pm and I still have yet to wash my face, change out of my sleep wear, brush my teeth and I can’t remember if I’ve peed since this morning but hey, 4pm is better then never. Right? Right.
So motherhood to me is not about being tired and dirty and sweaty, what it really is, is being the person who holds the family together, makes sure our babies are healthy and safe, we never put ourselves first because we want to make sure that our family is happy and we just don’t give up.
Being a mother is the most amazing, raw and crazy experience to live but one that I would never trade.
So I say to you moms, whether we are smelly or sweaty or have last nights salad in our teeth, you are the reason why your baby wakes up smiling and your man goes to bed or wakes up satisfied. It’s what do we best and we never say, fuck, what about me? Well at least out loud we don’t. Lol
Never underestimate the power of a mom, MASTERS OF MULTITASKERS WE ARE!